Pride and Control in Mentoring

Mentoring is such an adventure! There are highs and lows, ups and downs, times of clicking, and times of being out of sync. There are Fun things and difficult conversations. It s a lot like life, in many ways. After being with CoH for nearly two years, many times I ve sat across from a mentor when they were discouraged, frustrated, or ready to quit. And, if we took an honest look at our hearts, the main reason has usually been that of pride or control. Pride in thinking we know best, and mentoring should fit into our little box of ‘how things should work . And when it doesn t, we become ready to throw in the towel, begin to feel betrayed by God, or placing the blame on other things. I say ‘we in all these things, because I m very much guilty of such thinking as well! And the truth of the matter is we are truly in great company in this arena:


  • I think of Jonah- ready to die when he couldn t control the situation in Nineveh.


  • Moses- striking the rock in anger when God told him to speak to it.


  • Peter- denying Christ three times as he stood in the courtyard in confusion, as Christ was condemned to die.


  • Sarah- sending her handmaiden to sleep with her husband, Abraham, because she couldn t fathom God s promise coming true any other way.


I could keep going with examples all day, because this is the natural condition of the human heart. We trust ourselves and what we can see and control, more than God; if we were honest. For a mentoring relationship to be effective and life giving, the mentor must be walking in the strength of the Lord! That means a daily submission to His ways and His timing. I think we often get so caught up in the behavioral modification aspects of our relationship and lose touch with the deeper heart issues. As hard as it is to say and comprehend, the harsh truth is this: it is not the end of the world, or hope, if your protege gets pregnant, drops out of school, goes to jail, joins a gang, etc. Yes, we pray and strive against such things happening, but we also realize that those things can be the very tool or instrument used to humble our loved child to the point of reaching out for Christ s salvation. Let go of your control, your agenda, and your plan of how it will all work out and fix your eyes upon Christ. He s good and loving and oh so worthy of your trust- rest in that today!

-Christina Hickman, Mentor Coordinator


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