Let’s Talk About Sex Pt. 2:
Learning How to Have the Sex Talk with Your Protégé
The key is to building rapport is creating a foundation with your protégé that can eventually lead to the more in-depth sexual purity conversations. Yet, readers are encouraged to know that the burden of sexual purity conversations doesn’t fall on the mentor alone. The protégé needs to be willing and able to participate in these conversations. Diving straight into the, “Are you having sex?” question without any framework is unwise and could lead to a wall of miscommunication that makes having the conversation even more challenging. This is another reason that parental partnership concerning sexual purity is even more important – there is strength in numbers. No mentor should feel obligated to be the only person who the protégé hears anything regarding sex from. Partnering with and/or building upon what the parent has already discussed is a wise way to talk about sexuality with your protégé, especially from a biblical framework.
If you find that you started on the wrong path in your attempts to talk sexual purity with your protégé leading to a wall of miscommunication, please realize that it’s never too late to start over. Acknowledging the awkwardness (previous and future) can be one of the most valuable ways to initiate or re-establish a conduit by which sexual purity conversations can freely flow. Tell your protégé that you care about them holistically and know that sex is an important aspect of life, hence your desire to talk about it with them.
More Harm Than Help:
Like many of the patients who I spoke with (many of whom had little to no sexual education). I often wondered how different some of their lives would’ve been had someone engaged them in a candid conversation regarding sexual purity (especially at a young age). I served patients whose age ranged from 15 – 80+, and the common thread seemed to be limited knowledge concerning God’s design for sexuality. Although the conversation may seem uncomfortable, remember what was address in the first section check your own heart (2 Corinthians 13:5). Please don’t withhold valuable information or a safe space to vet questions because of personal fears. Also, remember that God is the one who designed sex. Sex is good because God created it for our flourishing and His glory; He is Good. If you can help your protégé to avoid sitting in the chair of a local clinic with little to no understanding of God’s design for sexuality, how sin distorts it, and how to have a healthy relationship with God’s creation – please do it.
Same Sex Attraction:
It’s important that mentors are mindful that some protégés (including elementary aged students) are dealing with and exploring same sex attraction. Considering the media and American culture that seems to value gender fluidity, be mindful that same sex attraction may be more prevalent and more accepted amongst this generation than the generations prior. This article from the Huffington Post states that, “48 percent of “Generation Z,” defined as those between the ages of 13 and 20 in 2016, identified themselves as “exclusively heterosexual.” That means that 52% (more than half) of students age 13 – 20, don’t identify as heterosexual. Gender fluidity has become the new normal, and it’s important for believers to know this and learn how to address it in a loving, biblical, and grace-filled manner. Praying for and seeking God for guidance and going straight to the Bible concerning this area is essential. Share God’s design for sexuality and human flourishing. Sex is meant to be enjoyed between one man and one woman within the context of marriage (Genesis 2:18-25; Matthew 19:5). Sin distorts everything including sex, but through Christ all of creation is restored.
The Gospel & Sex:
Ultimately, as a Christian ministry, Champions of Hope believes that the gospel transcends every area of our lives, especially sexuality. The reason sexual purity conversations are often a challenge is because of sin and a spiritual enemy who attempts to make what God deemed beautiful and good, detestable and wicked. Before Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating the forbidden fruit, their sexualized lives were considered “good,” just as God intended them to be. It’s after sin entered the world through disobedience that sex become taboo, perverted, and a conduit for more sin and ultimately death (James 1:15). But the good news is that God’s love for His creation is what led Him to give us Jesus; God’s only son as a ransom for our salvation. Moreover, as redeemed creation, we can put our hope in the glory that has yet to come, when Christ returns for the final time and judges the living and the dead. He will make all things new and completely in alignment with God’s original design – this certainly applies to our sexuality.